


First Man on Uranus

by FlyRobinFly



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Butts, Crack, Fluff, Funny, Getting Together, Love, M/M, Theo Raeken Loves Liam Dunbar, Thiam, Uranus Jokes, creamy wienies, hotdogs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-24
Updated: 2018-10-24
Packaged: 2019-08-06 19:03:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,661
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16393394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FlyRobinFly/pseuds/FlyRobinFly
Summary: Apparently, Theo wants to be the first man on Uranus.or Liam's.





	First Man on Uranus

**Author's Note:**

> I am sorry

Theo had somehow gotten roped into the puppy packs little study group. He wasn’t ever going to admit that he needed help with anything so Liam had to beg him to help the rest of them with Biology. If he were being honest with himself, he’d admit that Liam didn’t need to beg at all. He literally could have just said they needed him and he would’ve been there.

He was lying to himself though because he didn’t want to admit that he liked feeling needed and would do anything if it meant someone might show an ounce of love to him. But he was lying to himself.

Apparently, Mason and Liam were trying to answer a bunch of ridiculously easy questions about the solar system that they should’ve learned in like second grade but they were failing miserably.

“Uranus is blue, right?” Mason clarified.

“Yeah. I think so.”

Theo couldn’t help the grin that grew on his face. “How would you know? It’s not like you’ve ever seen it. Have you?”

Liam squinted at him. “I’ve seen Uranus.”

Theo’s eyebrows went high challengingly. “Really now?”

“Yeah,” said Liam. “There’s pictures all over the internet and in the textbook.”

“Are there pictures of your anus in the textbook? Or just mine?”

Liam’s mouth opened to say something but he closed it when his cheeks started to turn red. He glared at Theo. Mason’s eyes were bugging out and he had a wicked grin when Theo made eye contact with him. Apparently, he and Corey thought it was pretty funny because they were both trying not to laugh at Liam for falling for Theo’s joke.

Theo shrugged. “What? I just want proof that your anus is blue cause I doubt that’s true.”

Liam’s lips did that pout thing and he turned away from Theo back to his textbook. He was still red in the face but less from embarrassment and more from anger. “The seventh planet in the solar system is blue in my textbook,” he stated plainly and seriously, trying to get back to the topic at hand.

“How big is the seventh planet?” Mason asked mimicking Liam’s actions and writing something down. He covered up a snicker by coughing right after speaking though.

“I don’t know,” said Liam through his teeth.

“Uranus can fit sixty-three earths inside of it, it’s so big,” Corey informed them. He’d been the one who decided to use the internet instead of just guessing and glancing at their textbooks.

“Sixty-four if you relax,” Theo said. OK. That one was sort of on accident. Like he didn’t really want to say any more to piss off Liam but it kinda just slipped out of his mouth.

Corey slapped a hand over his own mouth and grabbed the textbook to cover his face. Mason nodded his head in amusement keeping surprisingly cool for the second Uranus joke. On the inside, he was dying though.

Liam’s mechanical pencil snapped and he clicked it repeatedly. “Stop being an ass, Theo. I’m trying to unravel the mysteries of the seventh planet.”

“I’m not being an ass, Liam,” Theo claimed. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Yeah,” said Corey poking his head over the book. “He’s just being a dick.”

“Exactly! And I’d love to help you penetrate the mysteries of your anus.”

A quiet gasp escaped Liam's mouth and he closed his eyes. “Oh god.”

Mason was pretending to have a sneeze attack but it was very clear that he was laughing. So he scooted his chair towards Corey and they both hid behind the textbook.

“I mean…” Theo might as well go on. He’d already made it this far. “Every night I look at the sky and wonder…”

Mason let out a little giggle from behind their textbooks and Corey shushed him.

“How could I be the first man on your anus?-”

“Please stop talking about my anus,” Liam said, heart rate rising as he started to get more and more angry.

“You talked about my anus first,” Theo said. “And apparently there are pictures and everything so-”

“Fine,” Liam said sitting up straight and stealing himself. “You want to explore my anus and penetrate all those mysteries-” He plopped his paperwork in front of Theo. “-knock yourself out.”

Theo looked down at the textbook in front of thim and the sheet of homework questions and smiled. “OK,” he said snatching Liam’s pencil and erasing everything Liam had already written down. “You didn’t answer any of these correctly. You suc-”

“Hm. Let me guess,” Liam hissed. “Your dick. Haha. Very funny.”

Theo looked up at him. “No, actually. I meant you suck a-”

“Ass. Ooo. So much better. Good for you, Mr. funny guy.”

“I was gonna say-”

“You know,” Liam said. “The joke is on you because I have a very nice anus that you will never get to explore-”

“Liam-”

“I don’t want to talk about this anymore, Theo! Can you just make yourself useful and do my homework for me?! Gosh.”

Theo glared at Liam. Two could play at the angry for little reason game. Theo, without much thought, tore Liam’s homework in half. “Whoops.”

“Dude,” Mason said no longer hiding behind the textbook giggling. “Not cool.”

“I’m not cool?” Theo asked. He gestured to Liam. “He’s the jerk who asked me to come help you guys study and then calls me useless telling me to do his homework! All I did was make a few unsolicited jokes! I’m not the asshole here!”

“I beg to differ,” Liam said.

Theo let out an exaggerated groan followed by an eye roll. “Come on, Corey. You’re not an idiot. You know Liam is an asshole, right?”

“I’m Switzerland,” Corey said put his hands up in the air like Theo had pointed a gun at him.

“I’m not disagreeing with you,” said Mason. “Liam is an asshole. A very tight asshole considering he didn’t laugh at all but… I mean you ripped his homework. That’s just mean.”

“Liam was mean first-”

“I’m sorry, OK,” Liam said. “I’m sorry I have a tight anus and didn’t laugh at your stupid butt jokes. But, considering I was the butt of your butt jokes, I did not find them funny.”

For a moment Theo looked like he might say something sincere but...“I’m sorry your anus is tight too,” Theo said earning yet another giggle from Corey. 

Liam straight up slapped Theo on the face. “Dude. Did you not think for a minute that maybe you were being offensive to the gay couple sitting right here at the table?”

Theo furrowed his brows and looked at Mason and Corey. Corey was laughing and Mason was looking at Liam like he was crazy. “Sorry, Liam. But did you not hear us laughing with him?-”

“I’d also like to point out that Theo is gay,” Corey interrupted. Theo’s shoulder tensed looking at Corey with wide eyes. Like why did Corey think he knew that for a fact. Theo didn’t even know that.

“What? So now it’s the gay teens bullying the straight kid? Are you exacting revenge on me because I’m straight-”

“Oh shut up,” Theo said. “Everyone knows you’re not straight. If you were, you wouldn’t have been picturing me exploring your anus.”

“Whoa. Whoa. Whoa,” said Mason putting his hands in front of Theo. “Dude. Don’t push him. He’s not read-”

“OK, fine! Maybe it’s the outed people against the closeted kid! It’s still bullying,” Liam said with a pout as he pulled his textbook and his paper back to his spot.

The table went silent just as Mrs. Geyer walked into the kitchen to get started on dinner. She passed the dining room and smiled. “Wow. Look at you guys. So quiet and focused. I’m so proud of you.” 

She went as far as to press a kiss to Theo’s temple before she walked over to Liam and squeezed his shoulders. “We’re gonna barbecue hotdogs for dinner, boys. Hope you’ve worked up an appetite.”

Mason, Corey, and Theo mumbled their own respective affirmatives and Liam basically moped while he pretended to get some homework done.

Mrs. Geyer patted Liam’s back. “You alright, sweetie? You ripped up your homework.”

Liam glanced at the ripped up piece of paper and sighed, sitting up from his slouched position. “Yeah. I’m fine.” He definitely didn’t look fine though. He looked like a hurt, confused puppy that was slightly angry. Mrs. Geyer didn’t question it though, leaving to get dinner started.

The rest of the time studying was just kind of awkward. No one wanted to push Liam’s buttons anymore so they just kinda shut up. Liam knew they weren’t bullying him and he didn’t really feel like they were. Maybe a little but not seriously. It was just his IED taking something very minor and amplifying it so it was something huge.

“Alright, boys,” Mrs. Geyer called from the kitchen. “Come and fix up your hotdogs when you’re ready.”

Liam shut his book after shoving his ripped up homework into it. “You know…” Liam said almost matter of factly. “I’ve heard it said that all a man needs in this world is a Weiner between two soft buns.” Liam stood up, well aware of what he said and the implications it could have pushing in his chair. “I’m gonna go have a hotdog and pretend none of this happened.”

Theo watched Liam leave the dining room and go into the kitchen where his mother had left the hotdog fixings. He felt like he needed to apologize or something. Or something at least.

He didn’t know though. So he turned to Mason and Corey. Maybe they had a clue. Right away, Mason gestured him into the kitchen and he didn’t argue. He got up and entered the kitchen and stood right next to Liam as the boy put the hotdog into his buns.

“Hey,” Theo said slowly copying his actions. “I’m sorry.” Liam just shrugged as he grabbed a canister and shook it up. Theo sighed and took the canister from Liam, not even bothering to acknowledge what it was. “Hey, look.-”

“Give me the whipped cream,” Liam ordered him with a glare.

“Not until you-wait,” Theo looked at the canister in his hand. “Whipped cream? Were you about to put this on your hotdog?”

“Yes. I like creamy weinies.” said Liam. “Now give it-”

“Dude, that’s so disgusting,” Theo said. “What the hell is wrong with-” Theo cut himself off because he could say anything more to hurt Liam’s feelings or upset him. He handed the canister to Liam.

“Thank you,” said Liam bitterly snatching the canister and spraying a strip onto his hotdog before he slammed it on the counter. He grabbed his plate and started to head outside where his mother was waiting for them to join her.

“Wait,” Theo said grabbing his arm and dragging him back. “What’s it gonna take to make it up to you?”

Liam glared at Theo for a moment. He knew he was being overdramatic. And that Theo kinda was too. But Theo didn’t really have anyone else so of course he was going to do whatever it took to win even a sliver of his heart back.

He sighed and looked down at Theo’s hotdog. Then at the canister of whipped cream. He smirked and grabbed the can. “Hope you like creamy weinies cause that’s what it’s gonna take.”

“What the-” Theo started but before he knew it, he was at an outside table with Liam, Mrs. geyer, Mason and Corey with a creamy weinie in front of him. He frowned at Liam. “Why have you done this to me?”

Liam smiled and helped up his hotdog. “Come on, man. Let’s dink our cream tipped weinies.”

Theo hesitated before he grabbed the hotdog and Liam “dinked” them together. “This is the dumbest thing I have ever done-” Liam shushed him and shoved the hotdog in his mouth before he could come up with an excuse.

Liam ate his with an exaggerated moan. “Mm. I love creamy wienies.”

Turns out whipped cream isn’t that bad on hotdogs. But Theo wouldn’t know because once Liam started making out with his own hotdog that’s all he could pay attention too. Who puts whipped cream on a hotdog?

And how does eating it make up for all the Uranus jokes he made earlier?

He didn’t know. He was confused.

While he was confused, so was everyone else. But no one questioned it. Their hotdogs were eaten in mostly silence. Once Mason and Corey left, Theo sat at the kitchen table still helping Liam with his homework.

Liam’s mother had told them she was going to bed early and his dad was working the night shift so it was just the two of them. Theo sighed. “Are you still mad at me?”

Liam looked up at him. “Do you know how long Mason has been trying to get me out of the closet? And you just went and did it with a bunch of Uranus jokes like it was no big deal. Yes. Of course, I am mad at you.”

“I’m sorry! I didn’t know,” Theo said. “And to be fair, Corey outed me first. Besides. It’s not like your parents or any of the pack was there. It was just Mason and Corey who apparently knew all along about both of us. You shouldn’t be upset-”

“I know I shouldn’t be upset but I am,” said Liam. “That’s just how IED works, dickhead.”

“You being upset makes me feel like I did something wrong. So stop being upset.”

“Just be quiet and let me think,” Liam said.

Silence only filled the air with tension. Theo didn’t like it. “So… you wanna go out?” The way he said it was like he really had no choice but to ask Liam out. It was a very Theo-esque way of asking someone out. Not like the fake Theo that everyone for some reason is in love with but the sarcastic, grumpy, real Theo that everyone hated.

Liam looked up from his homework that had been hastily taped back together. “Like… on a date?” The uncertainty on his face was obvious.

“Yeah,” Theo said. “If that’s what you want?”

Liam pursed his lips and tapped his pencil on the table. Thinking. “But what about like… my parents and the pack.”

It’s not like either of them were under any illusion that Liam’s parents or the pack were going to be disapproving of them. Well… maybe the pack wouldn’t like Liam dating Theo cause he’s Theo. But they wouldn’t disapprove of them being gay, that was for sure. But maybe they didn’t want to just go and announce to everyone suddenly that they were. The subtle approach seemed to be more fitting for them both.

“We don’t have to tell them,” Theo said.

“That’s lying,” Liam nearly whined.

“That’s what you get when you date a bad boy, Liam. Come on, man. Yes or no?”

“Yes,” Liam said silencing Theo. They both looked at each other. How did it go from Uranus jokes to coming out to creamy wienies to agreeing to date discreetly? The corner’s of Theo’s lips turned up into a little smirkish smile. It was very subtle but it was also very Theo. “I want ice cream,” Liam informed him bluntly.

Bluntness he could work with. It was when Liam didn’t tell him things that got him confused. Theo pulled his truck keys out and spun them on his finger. “Let’s go get ice cream then.”

Their first ‘date’ was hardly a date. They literally just watched each other eat ice cream. But at least it was a start to the discreet romance, one where they wouldn’t kiss until the seventh date and wouldn’t hold hands until their twentieth and wouldn’t share a bed until the twenty-second. Then after their thirtieth Theo would get to be the "first man on Uranus".


End file.
